


It's a Long Way Down

by monicawoe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressing, Gen, Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 07:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monicawoe/pseuds/monicawoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the prompt was "falling"<br/>Set after 5x22 and then again after 7x10</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Long Way Down

The thing about falling, the thing that you _really_ fear, isn't the fall itself -- it's hitting the ground.

Sam knew what it was like to fall. Probably better than anyone. When he had the Devil inside of him, when he wrested back control for two exhilarating, _excruciating_ minutes, he flung himself off the edge of the Earth itself.

He _fell_ .

For a moment Adam tumbled beside him, but then the blackness swallowed him up, and Sam saw nothing. He just felt himself fall -- further and further.

The worst part about falling is the fear of the impact -- the fear of pain -- of not surviving. Sam's only wish as he hurtled faster and faster was that he wouldn't survive. He still felt like flesh and blood, and if he _was_ , then he could _die_. He pleaded and prayed to a feckless god for the salvation of death -- for an impact strong enough to shatter even _him_ to dust...

 _Let me shatter, let me break, let me stop, let me stop_

...but he had the Devil inside of him. Lucifer wouldn't die, Lucifer _couldn't_ die, and neither could Sam.

They fell, two souls in one body -- too feeble to contain near-infinite power and rage. Lucifer's grace burst out of Sam -- two enormous blades of light, cutting through his back, tearing his skin to shreds. They unfurled -- reaching far, _so far_ , a wingspan miles wide. They spread out and Sam _stopped falling_.

Their light was everywhere and Sam _saw_ where he was, and he wished he couldn't. He closed his eyes, he tried to shut it out and he couldn't.

The darkness was screaming. It reached for him with claws and teeth. It called to him, pulling his mind into every direction -- spreading him thin against the ether. He was a whisper, an _echo_ of himself, existing only because he had no other choice.

He had no eyes to close, no voice to scream with, but Lucifer lashed into him over and over with claws and teeth and he screamed, he _screamed_.

  
\-------

Sam got out of Hell. He left the Devil locked up but the Devil's still in him -- burrowed into the corners of his mind, digging in deeper every day. Sam shuts him out -- forces him out with every waking breath.

Some days are harder than others. The world around him is real. Beautiful and bittersweet. His brother is broken and he loves him. They keep each other going, they keep fighting the good fight. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. It's tough but it works -- until the Earth itself crumbles away and they start to fall again.

They've been through a lot. They've lost so much, they've lost too much, they've lost _everything_ , they've lost _everyone_. They have each other, but they're both falling. Dean falls into a bottle and Sam can't stop him, because beneath his feet the ground is crumbling. Soil, grass and tarmac chunks fall away into nothingness. Sam puts one foot in front of the other, following his brother, leading his brother -- one foot in front of the other -- carefully stepping over the gaps in the ground where there's _nothing_ but air and darkness.

They fall and they don't fear the impact, they don't fear the pain...they just want to stop falling.

They just want to _stop_.


End file.
